Who Am I? The Search for the Higher Self

Jun 26, 2022 by Don MacGregor

Who Am I? The Search for the Higher Self

Who am I? I think we all ask that question at some stage. We often describe ourselves by what we do. I’m a student, I’m a gardener, I’m a nurse, I’m a cleaner, I’m a teacher. Who am I really? Who is this person, this face in the mirror? We know what we’re made up of. We know we have a body, we have feelings and we have a mind – but who am I really? We often talk about ourselves as Mind Body Spirit beings. Some would say just mind-emotions-body. But where does your true, higher self lie? The real inner you – who is it? What is it?

We can look back to see all the things in our lives that have formed us, all those experiences we have had that have influenced us, all the people who have taught us, for good or bad. But is there an essential me? Is there a true self, a higher self, a soul? And if there is a higher self, is there also a lower self? So many questions…

What do I know about me? I know I have a body. Our bodies are amazing things. Trillions of cells, about 30 trillion Google tells me. but we also have about 39 trillion bacteria, viruses and fungi cells living with us, in what is now called the microbiome. They only make up about 2% of our body mass, but they’re essential. We live in a symbiotic relationship with all sorts of smaller beings. The human body provides a broad range of environments, and microbes are capable of living in all of them. Each part of the body is a different type of ecosystem, like a planet with different continents and climates, the inhabitants of which have adapted to the characteristics of each location.

Our faces and hands are usually dry and cool. They’re exposed to the elements, not to mention a constant stream of incoming microbes every time we touch or come close to another thing. Nooks and crannies like the armpits have a lot to offer bacteria, being moist, warm and dark. The average human foot is even better, with 600 sweat glands per square centimetre – hundreds more than the armpits – that secrete a soup of salts, glucose, vitamins and amino acids, providing the perfect diet for a colony of bacteria. Smell your shoe for proof!

Then there is the gut microbiome, where millions of native bacteria live in partnership with us. They survive a hostile environment of darkness, high acidity and low oxygen, a whole river of them flushing through the stomach and intestines every day. We live in a delicate balance with them. They help with self-healing repairs of gut lining and skin. It’s an incredible defence system – our immune system depends on them for full operation.

We have this amazing interactive, symbiotic body system. And we use our bodies. They are like the presentation package for who we really are. Sometimes we may not like our package. So we dress it up, decorate it, spend money on it. We try to improve it. But is that who I am? My body is a very precious instrument, but I am not my body. I am more than my body. Who is I? I have a body, but I am not my body. I am aware of my body – and I am the one who is aware. My body may be in a state of good health or sickness, it may be rested or tired, active or inactive, but I remain the same, the observer at the center of all my experience. I recognise that I need to look after my body, to value it as a precious instrument of experience and of action in the outer world, but it is not my self. I am aware of my body, but I am more than my body.

So if I am not just my body, what about the feelings I have? Our language tends to reinforce our identification with our emotions. I am angry. I am afraid, I am happy, etc. Anger or fear can dominate us at times. Who has never lost their temper? I have emotions, and they can be very powerful, but they are not me. I am more than the feelings, more than my desires. I have to recognise them, and what they are doing to my body, the influence they are having on me, but they are not the essential me. They are constantly changing, but I remain. Whether I feel excited or lazy, angry, happy or sad, I recognize that these feelings come and go. My emotions are intricately connected with my body, through the floods of hormones and chemical messengers that are produced by my endocrine glands. I, my essential self, am not changing. I have emotions, and they can influence me, but I am more than my emotions.

Recognising that I have these emotions, I can choose how I wish to express them. This is different from repression of emotions. My emotions are many, are changing and are sometimes contradictory. They may swing from love to hatred, from calm to anger, from joy to sorrow, yet my essence – my true self – does not change. A wave of anger may submerge me temporarily, but I know it will pass in time – so I am not my emotions. We can recognise that we have strong emotions, but if our self, our centre of consciousness, can observe our emotions, and then consider the alternatives, we can begin to express ourselves appropriately. There is a great sense of power associated with this experience. This is not the usual form of power where you control others or suppress yourself, but a sense of power that your own self is managing you, and you are not just dancing to the tune of your feelings. I am no longer victim of someone else pushing buttons and making me react. I have emotions, but I am not my emotions.

So if I am not just my body or my emotions, am I my mind, my thoughts? Our ideas are so important that we tend to believe that we are our minds. Any assault upon our ideas is seen to be an assault on us. Many people are identified strongly with their emotions, and a step in growth for them is to begin to identify with their minds. Yet the mind is not your true self either. I can change my mind. I affirm that I have a mind, but I am more than my mind. I value it. I use it to embrace new ideas and concepts. I can choose to think the way that I wish to think. I am not ruled by my ideas about life, but I keep an open mind, I can let go of old ideas if they become limiting or inaccurate in the light of new experience. I have a mind but it is not the essence of my being. I remain the one who is aware, the one who chooses–the one who directs my thinking process.

So who am I if my body, my emotions and my mind are not the essence of who I am? I am a centre of pure consciousness, an observing and directing self, observing and directing my body, emotions and mind. I am a center of pure awareness. I am the one who chooses. I am the self, or the soul.

Some would say that this true self is pure consciousness, part of the One consciousness that is the One Life that everything emanates from. The whole idea of consciousness is a new paradigm that is rocking the scientific world. It has come from the world of quantum science; strange, nano-world where sub-atomic particles behave in ways that defy conventional science and thought. This new paradigm says that the prime mover in the universe, the thing that everything comes from, is not matter, but consciousness. It’s taken a long time, but scientists are beginning to realise that this human ability to be self aware is actually very important, and maybe is connected to the foundation of the whole universe! Amit Goswami, who was Professor of theoretical Quantum Physics at Oregon University certainly thinks so!

“I had vainly been seeking a description of consciousness within science; instead, what I and others have to look for is a description of science within consciousness. We must develop a science compatible with consciousness, our primary experience.” – Prof Amit Goswami

It boils down to this: the quantum insight says that if there is no consciousness in the beginning, then particles would never have come into existence and the material world that we live in and are part of would not exist. Put simply, the universe does not seem to exist without a perceiver of that universe. From this viewpoint, consciousness is the underlying reality of everything, the matrix in which everything is held. Consciousness is then no longer seen a phenomenon of the brain, but as the ground of being, in which all material possibilities are held in potential.

Dr Jude Currivan, who is a physicist and cosmologist, wrote a book called “The Cosmic Hologram”, in which she makes it very clear that we are all held within this vast holographic cosmic intelligence.

“We are each individuated microcosms of the holographic intelligence of our Universe and ultimately of the infinite and eternal mind of the Cosmos…. Consciousness isn’t just something we have, it’s what we and the whole world are.” – Dr Jude Currivan, physicist and cosmologist

These enlightened scientists are saying that our consciousness, our highest self, is a individuated part of a whole consciousness that is the universe. To put it in religious language, we could say that our soul is a spark of the immense intelligence that holds the universe in being, that we call God.

I would say that every human being is part of that consciousness matrix, which is like a vast, intelligent information field undergirding everything. We only exist because of that consciousness. It could be said we are a spark within the Universal Mind. But we as individuals can’t fathom the limitlessness of the consciousness that sustains the whole universe in being, that works through all sentient beings throughout the universe. We are both part of that wave field of universal consciousness, yet we are also individual beings – a quantum paradox!

Following this through, if our highest self is when we are identifying with this universal consciousness, then the power of intention, of focussed consciousness, can contribute to the One consciousness and hence influence what is to become. In this way, we become co-creators with the One Life by building our own thought-forms and bringing them into being. Entering into this realm of universal consciousness, this immense information field, happens through high points in human experience, meditation, mystical experience, at moments of heightened reality. It is when our own individual ego-selves are put aside and we become aware of the sea of the One consciousness – of which we are a miniscule part.

The other implication of this way of understanding means that all physical things have a form of consciousness, in that they are part of the One consciousness and all are moving upwards in the evolutionary spiral of life through the aeons. So even atoms have a miniscule form of consciousness, maybe just the right to exist.

There are many different orders of consciousness emanating from the One. Maybe even planets have a consciousness, of a different order. Much has been written about James Lovelock’s Gaia hypothesis, which says that the biosphere acts like a living organism, in that has self-regulating mechanisms similar to those in organic, living beings. But what if there is more to it than that and the earth itself has an order of consciousness? We are a part of that, part of the biosphere of the earth. There are many esoteric writings which put forward the view that every material thing has a consciousness of sorts, and that planets have particular beings in the spiritual realms that are the spiritual counterpart to their physical existence. Just as we have a soul, so do they. All things have some degree of consciousness, which holds them in being. The One consciousness pervades all, is in all, sustains all in being. It is the ground of being.

This is a new, yet old, way of looking at spirituality. I believe there is a universal and ageless path of wisdom that underlies all true spiritual paths, and it is to do with the dawning realisation of our interconnectedness at the energetic level. We are aware of a need to change our human ways. Many seek a spiritual path for today. It seems to me that we are One in the divine matrix of consciousness that holds us all in being. Many spiritual teachings say that love is the way to develop higher wisdom and interconnectedness – love is about compassionate relationships, which is what is needed in the world at all levels. We have to rise above the tribal mentality that says my religion is better than yours, my race is better than yours, my country is better than yours. The spiritual journey is about awakening and realising that there is only one humanity and that the way ahead is into Oneness and compassion. That is the teaching needed in today’s world.

Making the Shift

The Dalai Lama said: “There is a great and growing desire for change in the world; change that ushers in a renewed commitment to ethical and spiritual values, that resolves conflicts peaceably, employing dialogue and non-violence, that upholds human rights and human dignity as well as human responsibility.”

But how do we, as individuals, make that shift? There are tried and tested disciplines, techniques and practices that help us to ‘awaken’ spiritually into this oneness and interconnectedness and compassionate way of being. There are two aspects to this: the first is to raise our level of consciousness, in order to connect with our true Self, Higher Self, greater Being, the bit of us that is connected and open to the Divine, and secondly, to widen our breadth of consciousness, to experience ‘being’ more fully, to relate positively to all other beings. It involves reconnecting with, knowing and ultimately being centred in the Higher Self. It is not about transcending the world; it is about bringing higher consciousness down into our being, and then living that out in our daily lives. It is about being as fully here, as fully present as we can be. Simply and fully ‘being’ is at the core of every authentic spiritual practice. This is enlightened awareness.

The way to make the shift is through inner work, and becoming awakened to the reality of the interconnectedness of all. It’s about becoming aware that much of the time we operate out of our lower, egoic self, our own desire nature. This egoic self is needed for our development, finding our place in the world, but it is defensive, self centred, self preserving, judgmental and divisive. The inner work is to move our centre of being beyond the ego, learning to let go, disengaging from the fight or flight reaction, becoming more compassionate and heart centred. This is, in my view, moving towards the higher light, our soul, remembering who we are. This is spiritual transformation. The practices to bring this about are many. Meditation, contemplative prayer, devotional practices, breathwork, trance, heart-awareness, and many other spiritual disciplines can bring the emotional body under the control of the mind, and opening the mind to the True Self, the Soul. These all lead to the characteristics of the emerging human consciousness – love, care, compassion, freedom, courage, unity, simplicity, solidarity, belonging, respect, diversity, empowerment, harmony, equality and hope. These values and qualities are essential for the future welfare of humanity and the planet.

The search for the higher self leads us inevitably into psycho-spiritual territory. It’s been part of all religions and all the new therapies and psycho spiritual techniques that have been developed in the last 50 years to bring us into the awakened awareness that can lead to peace and harmony in this world. Try a little meditative exercise, stepping back from identification with the body, the emotions and the mind, to find that higher self, that soul within.

Disidentifying – an exercise to find the Higher Self

So, get comfortable. Quiet yourself and sit in a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Take the time to centre yourself and focus in. You are going to disidentify, stepping back from the various parts of yourself in order to get to the centre–the personal self–the observer that is beyond any of your individual parts. This higher, deeper self is the integrating factor that coordinates all aspects of the personality. So just step away from the parts, starting with the body. Say these words slowly and meditatively.

I have a body, but I am more than my body. I am the one who is aware: the self, the center. My body may be rested or tired, active or inactive, but I remain the same, the observer at the center of all my experience. I am aware of my body, but I am more than my body.

Pause

I have emotions, but I am more than my emotions. My feelings come and go. Whenever I feel excited or quiet, angry or sad, I can recognize that the essence of who I am is not changing. I have emotions, but I am more than my emotions.

Pause

I have a mind, but I am more than my mind. Regardless of my thoughts and regardless of how my beliefs have changed over the years, I remain the one who is aware, the one who chooses–the one who directs my thinking process. I have a mind, but I am more than that.

I am a center of pure awareness. I am the one who chooses. I am the true Self. I am Soul

This can be repeated on a regular basis. Through the process of disidentification you become more and more your own manager, in touch with the Divine Source. You find yourself becoming more free from concerns about the expectations or judgments of other people. The true Self, the Soul is the inner director, and looks out on the world from a place of compassion and understanding, not judgmentalism and selfishness.

There is a little Jewish tale to finish with:

The Teacher asked “How can we determine the hour of dawn, when the night ends and the day begins”.

“Is it when from a distance you can distinguish between a dog and a sheep” suggested one of the students.

“No” was the answer.

A second student asked, “Is it when you can distinguish between a fig tree and a grapevine?”

“No.”

“Please tell us the answer then.”

“The hour of dawn”, said the Teacher, “is when you can look into the face of any other human being and you have enough light to recognise, in him or her, your brother or sister. Up until then, it is night, and darkness is still with us.”